


JEUNESSE TALKING BLUES.

by SevadeValois



Category: Orphan Black, Supergirl, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Boarding School, F/F, First Love, Past, châteaux margaux, lena is sad and kara tries to understand, lena saves delphine from suicide, potstickers, what if ?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-27 18:12:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10037810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevadeValois/pseuds/SevadeValois
Summary: "She took Lena in her arms. And Lena closed her eyes against Kara’s chest. She breathed deeply.They were now on Lena’s couch and Kara has her nose on Lena’s head, smelling her perfumed hair with Tom Ford fragrance playing with some strands of hair. A tear fell on her cheek. Saying to herself that the kindest people hide the saddest stories."What if Lena's first love was Delphine Cormier at the boarding school ? What if Lena saved her from suicide ?What if Lena's past came knock at her memory's door every year on the same date ?A story where Lena have to tell something sad and painful about her past and Kara is here to listen. And support her. No matter what.Also fluff. Because.





	1. This Is Usually The Part Where People Scream

**Author's Note:**

> I just had this idea days ago...so....enjoy I guess ? 
> 
> (Also thanks Camille for your correction !)
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, :).

After a long day like this Lena loves to just chill in her flat. Tonight Kara is here and she is happy. The past weeks have been hard and she really needed that. It’s 17 May and Lena hates this day. She hates this day more than anything but she’s the only to know. On this day she uses to just trying to be busy as much as she can, trying to stay focus to not think about the nightmares in her head. And even if Kara is here, trying to choose what to eat for dinner, Lena has to stay focus.  
Lena is really trying to keep herself sane so she shakes her head trying to smile when she enters in her giant iving room.

\- Eh Love, did you choose ? I can make anything you want.., she smiles sitting next to Supergirl.  
\- You had a long day Lena, are you sure to wanna spend hours in the kitchen ?, says Kara her head in Lena’s neck.  
\- Yes, my pleasure.

Kara kisses her quickly and softly.

\- I still try to understand why you keep asking me what I want for dinner...  
\- What ?, asks Lena amused.  
\- Potstickers !  
\- I should have know…she said with a smirk.  
\- Don’t play with me you already know. You lovely dork.

It’s hit her like a stone.

\- Maybe yes, maybe not…, she says liying on the kitchen’s door.  
\- You’re such a tease.  
\- But that’s why you love me, she says on her way to the kitchen.

Lena smiles and her smiles fades aways as soon as she enters in her white and grey kitchen.

_Potstickers and chinese food are her favorites meals. Are ? Were. Potstickers and chinese food were her favorites meals._

And it hits her again but harder this time. She just put her hands on her marble kitchen worktop and she cries. She just cries in silence. Kara doesn’t need to know how much every 17th May Lena is fucked up. She can’t know.

So Lena puts her pokerface again and takes all she needs to satisfy Kara’s belly. And she cook, cook, and cook again. Kara is watching TV, a show call « Santa Clarita Diet » on Lena’s Netflix account.

\- Babe, what are you doing ? You miss all the show !, asks Kara coming in the kitchen.

Lena is here, drinking a glass of red wine, a French Chateaux Margaux in a ballon of french cristal. Kara. only can see her back

\- Lena ? Everything is okay ?

Lena wiped her eyes and turned around with a smile. She’s really trying to keep her shit together.

\- You seem pensive since we came home, even sad.  
\- It’s been a long day, don’t worry.  
\- Of course I worry.

Lena’s phone rings saying that the meal is ready.

\- Go back on the couch, it’s ready, says Lena smiling again.  
\- We’re not done Lena Luthor.  
\- I am fine, she anwers amphasizing on the « i ».

No, she is not.

***

\- You didn’t eat anything and you drank all the wine.  
\- I know, I am sorry, I had a lunch with some horrible white straight repulicans man, it was awful…but at least I ate lobsters…  
\- And I know how much you like lobsters.  
\- You’re the tease here honey.  
\- I know right ?

They laugh. And Kara suddenly stop. She is looking at Lena who looking the floor, eyes lost in the air, thinking too much, drinking too much and not answering to Kara’s kisses and attention. So Kara decides to stretche out on the couch and rest her head on Lena’s lap, trying to get attention.

\- Eh love ?  
\- Mh ?  
\- Where are you ?  
\- I am right here, says Lena striking Kara’s head and lost her fingers in them. What do you mean ?  
\- You don’t talk.  
\- We’re watching a movie.  
\- Tell me what’s going on.  
\- Kara, I’ve said that I am fine, it was just a hard and long day, can we just watch this movie and chill a little ?, says Lena upset.  
\- Wow…you never talked to me like that before, Kara said take off her head from Lena’s lap with a neutral but sad voice.  
\- I just had a bad day, is it really a big for you ? It’s just a bad day, it will not be the last. You have to deal with it.

Lena takes the second bottle of Châteaux Margaux and walks to her office without turning back to Kara.


	2. Come Back To Bed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena hates to argue with Kara and Kara hates fall asleep alone n a bed too big and too cold. So they meet in the living room and Lena starts to talk to a worried and concerned Kara. 
> 
> ***
> 
> "Still is the life of your room when you're not inside. And all of your things tell the sweetest storyline. Your tears on these sheets and your footsteps are down the hall. So tell me what I did. I can't find where the moment went wrong at all. You can be mad in the morning. I'll take back what I said. Just don't leave me alone here. It's cold, baby. Come back to bed." - John Mayer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from a John Mayer's song from the album "Heavier Things". 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciate, enjoy, :). 
> 
> English is not my first language.

Lena tries to work but obviously it does not work. She can’t stop thinking about what Kara said to her : « you never talked to me like that before ». 

I was unfair…I had no right, she thinks.

She can’t think straight, she can’t concentrate and the empty bottle of Châteaux Margaux really does not help. Lena does not want fuck everything up. Kara is the only person who really count in her life. 

I should not have. She doesn’t deserve it, what I’ve done ?, she thinks again. 

But Kara is probably sleeping anyway. Alone, in her big king size in her big bedroom, alone still. She pictures her on her side of the bed, the left side, alone, her feet in the air, her hair all over the pillow and her eyes wide open. Wide open and wide sad and full of tears watching the empty right side where Lena is not. And weirdly she is cold. Even if Supergirl can’t, Kara can be cold, Kara can be hurt and Kara can be weak. She holds the blanket against her under her chin…and now…she is crying. Red eyes, paintuful heart, loneliness, injustice : Love.   
What was wrong with Lena tonight ? Kara feels powerless and rejected.   
And see the right side of the bed empty is too much pain for eyes. The colds sheets are too much pain. Fighting with Lena is too much pain. Loving…..is too much pain. Things were not supposed to be like that. So she gets up and go to the kitchen looking for a glass of fresh water. 

Lena is in her office and she almost finish the second bottle of Château Margaux. But she does not care. She drinks her red wine on the balcony looking at the city, looking at all the lights. National City is beautiful but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care at all. One last sip and the bottle is empty.   
She blows. So she decides to go to the bar in the living room to take her Redbreast bottle. She is barefoot, with a large grey confortable pant and a big black Quicksilver sweater with her wild hair. Looks like a mess but so so beautiful. She goes on the balcony with a glass, the bootle of Irish whiskey and a cigarette. And she stays here a little while. She turns on the light and she sees Kara sit at the living room bar, sad, with red eyes in Lena’s pyjamas. She does not even touch to her glass of water. She looks like a mess too but as beautiful as Lena is. A beautiful mess of human and alien. 

\- You drunk, says a cold Kara without looking at her.  
\- Babe…I am sorry for tonight. I should not have talk to you like that, I wasn’t me…I..

Kara looks at the full glass of water, not looking Lena made her sadness bigger than it was. For both of them. 

\- Lena what’s happ…  
\- Yesterday was someone that I used know birthday.   
\- Did you call your friend ?  
\- We’re not in contact anymore.   
\- Oh…why ?   
\- Listen. It was years ago I don’t want you to think things that are not exist.   
\- But it matter for you.   
\- Kara. It’s not important anymore, says Lena taking another glass of whiskey.   
\- What don’t you stop drinking this, take a cup of coffee and tal….  
\- NO ! I won’t.

Lena is yelling and she is angry. She can’t control herself again and she is perfectly aware that Kara does not have to pay for that. She is the kindest person on Earth and she deserves the best. Not her fucked up and messy past.   
Lena is in front of the massing window of the living room watching National City, again. 

\- Lena pl…  
\- Her name is Delphine, a French girl, that I knew when I was in a boarding school in Swizterland.   
\- And it was her birthday yesterday ?   
\- Yes.   
\- Why being so sad ?   
\- Because…yesterday….yesterday I missed her more than usual.   
\- All you have to do is call her, says an enthusiast Kara.   
\- We don’t talk to the dead Kara // It’s impossible. 

 

Kara rest her hand on Lena’s arm, and Lena takes her arm away.

\- We met each other in Lausanne, I was 22 and my parents send me there. I still don’t know if it was to put me away like my Mom uses to do or if it was for the reputation of the classes. I think it’s both because I am the best ingener in town and because my relation with my Mom almost does not exist. But they said that Lex went there too…so…

She smiles. A sad, a very sad smile. But she doesn’t cry. 

 

\- Delphine is a Cormier. A very famous family in the scientist field. They’re french and at this time her parents were running Louis Pasteur Institute in Paris. Our rooms were in the same corridor but she was not in my classes. She studied medicine and biology. I wasn’t aware that our family, the Luthor and the Cormier were friends.   
\- How do you met her ? Asks Kara concerned.


	3. Split Screen Sadness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena talks about the first time she saw Delphine at the boarding school...and maybe it was the beginning of something. And Kara still listen to her carefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the fed back, kudos and comments are always welcome ! :). 
> 
> English is not my first language.

Lena can’t look Kara in the eyes. It’s too much. It’s too much because everytime that she looks at her all she can see is Delphine. She is about to take another glass then she looks at Kara who sadly smiles. So she takes the glass anyway. 

"Everybody in the field of science and engineering knew that I was a Luthor, like it was written on my face and everybody know in Europe too what my brother wanted to do to the aliens…and to Superman…so I was alone. All the time. Alone at morning, alone in classes, at lunch time, dinner time…I don’t even talk about evening.", says Lena. 

Kara is silent and Lena just lowers her head and looks at the ground. 

"As far as I can remember..I have never have any friends in my life. So it’s not like I missed this, even if…even if of course sometimes the lolliness was…hard. But in a certain way…it forged me. I worked hard and I have a good job, I run my own company and I try to clean my brother’s bullshites now and now…..and now I have you… "

She smiles ironicaly, takes a lip of her Irish drink and close her eyes. She sees Delphine walking in the corridor the first time she saw her and now she smiles happilly.   
"The first time I saw her it was during my second year at this boarding school. She was in the corridor looking for her room. I was going back to mine and I saw her. I did say anything, I just walked, I did not even passed by her. I wasn’t pay attention to the people anymore. I just worked, trying to sleep, keep my mind busy and waited for the year to come to an end. But she smiled to me while she was unlocking her door. I was so suprised that I did not smile back."  
"I am so sorry… "  
"For what ? Come on..."  
"How did it start ? » asks Kara. 

Lena laughs at the memory. She closes her eyes and it goes in them like a HD motion picture. Everythings seems clear and nice and perfect. She smiles. A true smile. 

"It was past midnight that evening and I went to one of the bathroom to take a warm and hot bath with a good book. I did that a lot…waiting that everybody is sleeping to have some calmy time for my own in another room that my bedroom. You can’t imagine how much this silence was important…because I couldn’t stand this people in this school. They were all…ugh.."

Kara smiles at the weird face that Lena just made and says : 

"You still do that…taking some long baths in the night while I am sleeping…"

"Yes…I like that a lot..", she answers peacefully. 

"I know, sais Kara softly."

"I was sending a text to my father so I did not look in front of me but when I look I saw her, she smiles."

"What ?"

"She was in showels, her hair completly wet and panicking because she just forget her key in her room, because she just went try to dry her hair in one of the bathroom…’cause she broked her hairdryer…it was her first day…and she already seems pissed by this boarding school." 

Kara laughs and Lena takes another sip of her glass because this memory is just a memory. And it hurts. 

"Do you need help ? I said. She looked at me so panicking, so lost and so gratefully. She nodded not saying a single word. And she just said « My hairdryer just broke… I forgot my key inside…and I just saw that we can’t open from the outside….And somebody..you…saw me like this…in towels…with wet hair…and I look so stupid". 

"What did you said ?" 

" « That place is fucked up, right ? », and she smiled at me shily. « I am Lena », I said and she just said « Delphine, enchantée. » with a soft voice and beautiful eyes."

"Enchantée ?", asks Kara. 

"It means « Nice to meet you. » in French." 

"You speak French ?", asks Supergirl happy. 

"Juste un petit peu.", said Lena. 

"Liar, I am sure that you’re a fluent French speaker."  
"I can’t hide you anything."

And Lena is getting lost again in her past, in her memories. And she explains to Kara how she became friend with Delphine Cormier. 

 

After this short presentation, Lena asked to Delphine if she wanna use her hairdryer because it was a better one that those in the boarding school’s bathrooms and she asked if she needed help to open her door without woke the guardian of their corridor up. "I just need my credit card and something rigid", said Lena while she was walking to her bedroom. When she came back she opened Delphine door’s with success and she was kind of proud. "I was studying to become an engineer after all….", she said smiling, but still sad. Delphine asked Lena what she was studying and Lena asked back : Medecine and biology. 

"When I gave her the hairdryer her hair already started to became the curls they use to be, it was lovely. She was lovely. So I called it a night, said good bye, she smiled, she was grateful. I was happy to help someone new in this place. And she really seems kind, and soft, and smart. She asked me if we had classes together, we hadn’t, so she said "See you soon ? I mean for the hairdryer." I nodded and went back to my room."  
"I never heard you talk about someone like that…", says Kara soflty. 

Lena couldn’t look at Kara. 

"Yeah…", she said in a very low voice.


	4. Roots and Branches - Meant to be alone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How about a real meeting at the orchestra where Lena is a genius piano player and plays the Turkish March with Delphine at the violin. Two lost souls finding something to share.

She is the best girlfriend ever, thinks Lena. Watching Kara listening her story. Lena is afraid, she does not know how to tell this story of her past. Why ? Because she is the only to know. She was no joking when she said to Kara that she was alone all her life. Even if her brother is bad, she still loves him. And Lena knows that Lex loves her. That he is the only one to have not gave up on her. He still writing her from jail and she always, always reply. But they don’t talk about why he is in there. Lex knows that his little sister, a Luthor, is dating a Super. But he doesn’t care. The only thing who matters for him is Lena. If she is okay, if she’s doing well and if she has problems. And when it’s about Lena his anger against alien does not exist. But what different does it makes ? Lex is not aware of the full story. And it’s the first time that Lena share it with someone.

"The day after the « shovels and wet hair » night, I was about to go to my first class of the morning. I did not saw her in the cafeteria or in the corridor of the bedrooms. It was a Monday and four times a week I had to play in the orchestra."  
"I’ve never heard you play piano in front of me, I just heard you from time to time when I am in the shower…"said Kara.   
"I know, I am sorry…I..It’s just that I am not confortable to play in front of people now. My parents wanted me to play in the orchestra…to show me as a trophy but I hated play in front of people, for me it was worst take be naked in public….ugh…it was horrible."  
"I know…it’s okay, don’t worry."  
"So after classes I went to the theater, I faked every smile and « Hello » to everyone…especially to this guy, a Russian guy from Moscow, his name was Timu, which mean something like « Iron Man » in Russian…what a bad coincidence that this asshole wear the name of my favorite superheroes…."

She laughs for real this time. 

"Eh ! I am supposed to be your favorite, you beautiful but still dork."

She bent her forehead briefly against Kara’s temple. 

"You know you are, come on."

"I know, I know."

"He was a cello player and absolutely wanted to date me, he was a douch, a real douch…ugh….fuck no. But then the doors opened…and I saw her with her violin saying to the conductor how much she was sorry to be late, that she was new and that she couldn’t find the room. He was a nice man so he just smile saying that it wasn’t a problem and that he was aware of her venue...I mean she was one of the new violinist. Everybody, especially the boys all looked at her….and me too. And she was supposed to be the new solo violin. So I was sit at my piano watching the scene. And the conductor said « Well, what a better example to prove your musical skills by playing something. Are you in ? » she nodded saying « Of course » and she took her violin. And I watch the scene."  
"What’s happened ?"   
"She did not saw me at first, I wanted to impress her so…whatever, she took her position after that the conductor gave her the partition."   
"What piece ?"  
"Something simple at first…everybody know that the conductor was always crescendo…."  
"You talk to me in Chinese right now."   
"Easy pieces to hard pieces."   
"Oh..I see."   
"So, I was still sitting at my piano and the teacher call me « Lena, come here. » and Delphine looked at me surprised at first and she smiled. He gave me the piano partition. And said to her, start to play and Lena you follow when I said.""   
"So ?"  
"So I did ! It was the Turkish March. I love the Turkish March."  
"And ?"   
"And she played…and I was so obsess..it was a light and clear but firm play. She was so talented. So I played my best Mozart and the conductor was smiling. When we finished he gave use another partition, another Mozart piece : a sonata, the k.305 one, A major. And we played." 

Lena remembers this with her eyes wild open looking at a point in the room, she was wearing the blazer of the boarding school, and Delphine a cardigan. Her hair was straight and match with a ponytail. Lena was wearing a black nail polish who matched perfectly with the black and white ivory of her piano and her wild hair. And she played with her eyes close because she knew by heart how to play this piece of Mozart, she use to play this one with her brother when she learn piano. She was four, it was when she arrived at the Luthor’s. « It was one of the first piece I learn by heart when I was little. And when I was like maybe, 6 or 7 I knew piano better than my brother », she said. So she pictured this two memories, little Lena playing with her big brother and adult Lena playing perfectly with someone she just met.   
\- She was a really violin genius, she almost did not look at the paper. I was really impress. The level of the boarding school orchestra was already high enough and she came. 

Kara was looking at Lena with all the love that she could find in her heart. Lena never spoke like that about someone. Never. 

« She smiled to me after our little jam and the repetition begins properly. Then we had lunch…it was so weird to have lunch with someone. So weird that I ask… »

Lena chooses her words. 

« Ask what ? »  
« I look at her and I say « Are you even aware that I am a Luthor and that my Brother is in prison because he wanted to kill Superman and all the aliens and that I usually live here…alone ? I mean look around you, almost everybody is looking at you. Most people wouldn't touch a Luthor with a 10-foot pole. »   
« What does she said ? What does she said ? », asks Kara.   
« « So what ? I am not most people. What is a last name anyway ? My parents runs the most famous medicine company in France and everybody think that I am the most lucky in the world because they are friends with our president, some ministers come eat diner at my home, etc, etc…and in my opinions aliens are awesome » She smiled looking are her plate. And she said that she was alone too, boarding schools to boarding schools. »

Kara has her mouth fully open. 

« We ate quietly. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. It was a confortable one. She seems to be not a big speaker…I’m not either but…still, I don’t know. I observed people all my life since I am a kind…I was hiding myself under the tables at my parent’s gala or reception and I watch all this people wearing diamonds and luxury suits talked and talked and talked and I always wondered what they could find to tell each other for hours…so I imagined what they could say…those evening were so long. Always speaking about money, business, my brother, never about me, and I was there, drinking my orange juice with my unicorn doudou …and wondering why nobody came to talk to me...even my parents…but I meet her...and she talked to me and it wasn’t my imagination. ».

She took Lena in her arms. And Lena closed her eyes against Kara’s chest. She breathed deeply.   
They were now on Lena’s couch and Kara has her nose on Lena’s head, smelling her perfumed hair with Tom Ford fragrance playing with some strands of hair. A tear fell on her cheek. Saying to herself that the kindest people hide the saddest stories. 

« Are you mad at me ? », asks Lena, her face buried in Supergirl’s sweatshirt.   
« Why will I be ? », she answers, her nose resting on Lena’s forehead.   
« Because I am telling you all of this... »   
« You know that I love you no matter what. »  
« Even if I am telling you all of this ?».   
« Especially when you telling me all of this. ». 

Lena did not answered. And Kara just hugged her a little harder, eyes closed and heavy heart.


	5. Home Sweet Hole.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I won't give up on you. These scars won't tear us apart. So don't give up on me, it's not too late for us. And I'll save you from yourself." - Bring Me The Horizon - The Sadness will never end - Suicide Season, 2008. 
> 
> Delphine has to come back to France but she does not want to leave Lena at the boarding school to see her dysfunctional family. Lena tries to reassure her and it seems to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the chapter is a song of Bring Me The Horizon from "There is a Hell believe me I've seen it, There is a Heaven let's keep it a secret." 
> 
> Thanks everyone for the feedback, :) !

« We used to compare our family to find out without surprise that both of them were dysfunctional. Her parents were really religious, French Catholics going to church every Sundays, praying before eating, have the Bible on their nightstands…I mean, I respect this, I really, really, respect people’s faith but she told me that she couldn’t think by herself. Her parents choose her studies field, choose her schools, what languages she has to learn to speak, she couldn’t listen the music she wanted, watched the movies she wanted, read the book she wanted…you see ? She couldn’t even sometime choose her activities. The only persons with who she talked were the teenagers and the people of her church….”

“Wow….”.

“No friendships with boys except the one of her church, no boyfriends too, obviously. But she did everything she wanted behind them. And when she did this she saw herself as a badass, it always made me laugh when she was thinking like this….but she always respected her family’s tradition and faith. She just kept the secret of hers”.

Lena smiles, happy, and truly happy, so as Kara. 

“Believe me or not but she knew absolutely all the Metallica’s songs, and by “knew” I mean by heart, absolutely each words. I don’t even speak about The Cure song. She was a metal head and she was a hardcore and deathcore fan…but I also remember that she was an English pop addict…I mean if someone would say something bad about Kate Nash and Lily Allen….run dude, run.”

Kara laughs. 

“She was all except like her parents and family. She is…was…amazing.”.  
“She was more than a friend, right ?” asks Kara kindly.   
“Yes…she…I mean…she…she was my first love.” answers Lena without knowing if she has to look Kara in the eyes or look away or just running away from this conversation and never come back. 

Kara passes her hand on Lena’s cheek. 

“I am sorry…you don’t have to listen all of this.”  
“But I want to know you, the whole you, all of you, your past, what kind of child you were, what kind of student you were…I want to know you and all the details of you. I want to know with what you are made of.”. 

Lena takes Kara in her arms. She can’t say anything because it’s too much to handle and her heart is about to explode in her chest. It’s too much for her heart, and too much in general. Nobody talk to her like that, not even her parents. So, what she could possibly answer ? What are the words that normal and loved people say to the others when they say something like that ? She has absolutely no fucking ideas. So…she does the only thing she can do right know, hold Kara as a “Thank you”. 

They stay like that a few minutes. 

“Tell me more about Delphine.”

Lena raised her head from Kara’s neck. 

 

“After this first lunchtime together…we were together all the time when we did not have classes.”

She marks a break. 

“I felt less sad and alone, because I had someone to share this with. Because she was fucked up too. When she has her parents on the phone she was always sad, sometimes in tears sometimes not and sometime she did not say a word for hours, or for days….It broke my heart everytime.”. 

Another break. 

“She was as depressed as I was.”

Kara closes her eyes in pain at this thought. 

“Her parents were really mean sometime, said to her bad things, sad things. She did her best to be the best to them but it never worked…so as me, I always wanted to be the perfect girl to my mother, always want to have the best grades, be the major of my promotion, try to have nice tastes in clothes, try to study her works…but….here I am, still fucked up and depressed because of her and my brother.”

Kara puts her hand on Lena’s neck. 

“But I was happy, still, to have found somebody like her. Sometimes I found her crying in her room, or in the bathroom…because she was fed up with her life. And I still can’t suppress, delete or forget her beautiful crying face of my brain, with her break puppy eyes. Because even if she was one of the most sad person on Earth, she was still the most beautiful to me…”. 

She takes another glass of liquor. 

“Sometimes she was completely lost in her thoughts. Her eyes were so sad and her face so desperate and her smiles so…fade…I mean we all have our own scars but Delphine’s scars were so…so deep. I mean she could have a big laugh with me and 30 seconds later she could have be so sad and desperate.”  
“Did you learnt why she was so sad ?”  
“Like I said…her family…so dysfunctional…and you can’t imagine how much she loved her parents. It always fascinated me. She always, always, did her best to satisfy them. Staying awake at night to work, still reading her Bible before she was about to go back to Paris for few days, a week-end from time to time or even for the holidays…trying to find a good boy for them even if she was not even in love. She did everything. It was never enough. I can’t count all the nights that I found her working past 4am falling asleep on her books or her laptop…and beside all of this shitty mess she was always smiling. Always. ”  
“She must have been someone very awesome….I wish I have know her.”, says Kara.   
“We stay friends for like 2 months before we started dating.”

Kara smiles. 

“Oh, tell me the story.”  
“Halloween holidays…I had to stay at the boarding school because my mom was not available to see me…my father was on a business trip and Lex…probably trying to destroy the universe.”  
“Oh….”  
“And Delphine had to come back to France for the holidays with her family. But she did not want to.”  
“What did you do ?”  
“I said to her to “Go home”. It was important for her to see them even if they were so…you know, that she was about to see her grandmother, her brother and her cousins but still…she did not want to leave.”

One more glass. 

“So I said “Go. I am not leaving, I will pick you up at the airport with my car if you want me to. One week is not so long. Go, and when you’ll be back we’ll go on a little trip, there are nice places in Switzerland…you will see.” But still, she did not want to go. We were at the airport, she had everything, her bags, her plane tickets…”But I wanna stay with you Lena”, she said like a child. “I am gonna be so bored…so so bored without you.” And her smile and tease fade away….and I saw the sadness on her face. I could not say anything to comfort her. She straighed her hair with a ponytail and she was wearing a white shirt, with a black slim and white Converse. I loved when we could wear another stuff that this horribly clothes from the boarding school. We just could be us. And she was lovely and seams so light with this clothes.”  
“What did you wear ?”  
“Oh…I wasn’t wear suit, my heels and my usual clothe that I wear now…I was a Vans addict…”  
“Honey come one you’re still a Vans addict.”  
“You have a point…”

Kara kisses her on the cheek. 

“I was wearing black Vans Slip One with a white t-shirt and a blue slim…with wild and free hair. Perfect combo.”  
“Aww..Rao….I love when you are dressing like that.”

Lena smiles without looking at Kara. 

“Then the airport voice called the last passengers for the Lausanne – Paris flight. She was terrified…I did not know what exactly she was so scared about to find at her home…but she say “Don’t leave me.” And I said “One week Del’, you can call me everyday, every hour of the day, text me day and night…I’ll be here all along.” I kissed her on her forehead and she nodded with a smile. She took me in her arms “See you next week…and pick up the phone. Pick up the phone Na’ I am serious.”, she said. And she gives her ticket to the man of her flight door. I smiled, and the man on the door talked to her and I was on my way to the parking when I heard “WAIT !” and I saw her walking on my direction and I said “Del’ you’re going to miss yo…” and she puts one hand on my mouth and she said so panicking “ I am gonna do something I will probably regret but I don’t care I want to do that for a long time and..” I spread her hand and…and…and I kissed her. I was the one who kissed first. And she kissed back after staring during a second of a second. But I was the first who kissed.”


	6. Mountains.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Reversed the steps I took when I was younger, they fall to the ground. I waited so long. I finally learned. But half of me is half of you, I ran away so you would know. In half of me is half of you, I wanna know where to go.". - Halfnoise - "Mountain" - Volcano Crowe, 2014.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the feedback !  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated !

“Did she took her plane ?”  
“Yes, she did. And when she was about to take it we just say that we will discuss this when she’ll have free time during the holidays. She kissed me quickly on the mouth, we were blushing like some fucking teens….and we were almost 23 years old. Can you imagine that ? She called me at least…mh… maybe 3 times per day, and I called her everytime I could…and I don’t even talk about the texts messages. Sometimes she couln’t answer for hours…and I knew that she was busy with her family or that her parents pissed her off. So I was patient. I was planning a little trip for us around the country…it’s not a big one as you know and I had my own car.”  
“You planned her a surprise ?”  
“Yes…we had few days before the end of this holiday. And stay at the boarding school made me wanna puke…ugh….I still can’t stand this fucking place. And I had my secret places around the city, like fancy and nice restaurants, concert rooms, secrets landscapes in mountainw…I mean take my mother’s money was the only thing who link us by this time so for me it was spending time with her...”

She laughs ironically and kind of proud. 

“Sometimes she was crying on the phone and I did not know what to do or what to say. I just…couldn’t say anything. I only know how to hold her but she was so far away from me and she was in pain so I was in pain but I could not say this to her…she had enough with her parents. But, I was constantly thinking about the kiss at the airport. So when she was sad I said “4, 5, or 3 more night and you will be back to me. Hold on Del’, be strong and call me when you want.”.”  
“What happened when she came back ?”  
“I picked her up at the airport. It was a sunny day for a November. I waited at her terminal, minutes seemed like hour and second seems like minutes. I couldn’t wait. But I was kind of scared and nervous because we would have “the talk” you know, about the kiss, about us.” 

Kara smiles. 

“Aw…my baby is a romantic.”  
“Oh come on…!”

And Kara kisses her on the cheek. 

“People started to come from the plane….and I was looking after her with my eyes, trying to not run everywhere. And after a man in suit she passed the door, she did not saw me at first, she was kind of sad and she looked in every directions and her eyes find me and the sadness on her face, on her eyes faded away and she did her best smile ever. So I smiled too and I wasn’t know what to do neither do her. And I walked slowly, she did the same thing at first, but people were going outside so she almost run at me when the distance between us was clear. And I wrapped her in my arms as strong as I could. None of us said a single word. She had a ponytail so I could see her face. She held me by the hips and she just put her head in my neck and closed her eyes. And after a few quick seconds…we kissed. We kissed for few seconds. It was…it was natural. It was like...like…we…like we could do it because it seems so natural and so normal and so so so logic, you see ? I’ve never forgot her smile when she said “You’re here”. I did not see any pain, anxiety or sadness in her eyes, she just smiled. She was just a girl of her age, she was just Delphine Cormier, a normal student. You know what I mean ? It was one of the first real smiles she ever done to me. ”  
“I see.” says Kara smiling quietly. “What did you do next ?”  
“Having coffee and lunch because she was starving. We leave the car in a parking lot and I took her where I used to went before I met her. I did almost everything on my own…with my mother’s credit card so…I could go literally where I want. It was a fancy restaurant, almost hide in a very tinny street, where I had the best lobster in my life. I could literally go in this restaurant in Switzerland just for their lobster. Like right now, you know.”  
“I know you could.” Said Kara resting her head on Lena’s shoulder. “You went in New York last month just for a dress.”  
“But it was the new Miu Miu collection” answers Lena with a child voice. 

Kara laughed. 

 

“So we ate lobsters. I mean. So. Much. Lobsters. With French white wine and real Champagne.”  
“Lemme guess…from France too ?”  
“Of course from France. If only you could taste the alcohol!” answers Lena laughing “They are the best in fine wines and champagnes. I was so full, you can’t imagine how full I was and ready to take the nap of my life…and that’s what we did. We took my car and drive for 3 hours. I rent a little house in the mountains just for the two of us. Changing air, seeing sown, go on a walk, eat cheese and just…being in peace. I packed her warm and comfortable clothes for the trip so she can have the full surprise. When we arrived, the owner gives me the key and I say “Come with me I have something to show you.” You can’t imagine how happy she was. She has stars in her eyes, and she smiles, she couldn’t stop smiling. “Did you prepared this while I was in France ? Na’, it’s amazing !” she said to me."  
“You’re too kind babe…”  
“I wanted her to forget the bad moments she just has.” 

Kara can’t stop smiling either. 

“So we visited the lodge…it was warm and when you opened the windows all you could see were snow, mountains and trees. I remembered that we did not even unpack our bags, and when we saw the bedroom with the huge king size bed…I had one of the naps of my life. We look at each other and we took off our boots, our beanies and our coat and we jump on the bed. Just like children. And we just fall like big snowball on the bed.”

Lena was talking with her hands, laughing, she just pictures the memory in her head. Seeing Delphine’s curl jump like her, her perfect white teeth, her black sweater and her skinny jean, stolen kisses and intimates smiles. Delphine taking a pillow and throw it at Lena’s face, Lena who is making a machiavelous smile and run after her potential girlfriend in the lodge. And Delphine went in the bedroom again and pushes Lena on the bed. She fell on it, laughing so hard, and Delphine took off her socks before jumping on Lena, they laughed for a moment and then they calmed down and were able to breath more calmly. And they looked at each other in the eyes and Delphine whispered : “Thank you Na’…I am happy. I missed you so much, you have no ideas.”. And Lena remembered how much what Delphine said warmed her heart and how much the smiles that Delphine made meant to her. And Delphine kissed Lena without moving her lips then put her head on Lena’s chest and hold her by the hip. Lena rested her nose in her hair and breathed deeply. Delphine smelled so nice. And she gently wrapped her in her arms like they were a steel armor protecting Delphine against her demons and again the sadness. Delphine’s eyes were closed but she wasn’t asleep, she was just enjoying the moment, in Lena’s arm, on a warm bed, in a safe place and she tried to remember when was the last time she felt like this. She couldn’t. She felt Lena’s arm moved and put a blanket on them, she heard her whispering “I am happy you’re happy.” And they fall asleep peacefully.


	7. Starálfur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Give me some space, you always take all the space in the bathroom", said Lena starting to brush her hair. Delphine kissed Lena on the cheek and leave a large trace of toothpaste.
> 
> *******
> 
> "It’s a very beautiful story Lee’."  
> "Oh you know…we were young…and.."  
> "I know you can’t explain all the details, I know what you thinking right now, and I don’t want to know this details, and it’s okay because it belongs to you. They belong to you only. This details, I am sure, as beautiful as they are are what you are made of. They’re a part of you, Delphine was a part of you and it’s okay. I love every parts of you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's name is a Sigur Ros' song from the album "Ágætis Byrjun".
> 
> Thanks for the feedback ! :).

When they woke up, the sun was already shinning on the other side of the Earth. They were in the same position. It’s Delphine who was the first to open the eyes. Lena was sleeping her head on the side, breathing peacefully, her nose still in Delphine’s hair. She smiled and kissed her on the lips on time and Lena smiled in her turn, eyes still close. 

"Eh", Delphine said against her lips.  
"Eh", said Lena the same way.  
"I am starving."  
"Me too….what about us and a nice meal and then us going to dance and make boys pay for our drinks ?"  
"C’est parfait", she said laughing in French. 

Lena smiled and kissed her for few minutes. 

"What do you wanna eat", asks Lena starting her car.  
"Cheese, a mountain of cheese", she answers lighting a French cigarette, and red wine.  
"Your wishes are my commands", said Lena starting to drive. 

They kissed at every red lights with the last The Amity Affliction album in the car’s speakers and sometimes they kissed too much because the car behind Lena’s were honking and everytime Lena send them a middle fingers and everytime Delphine laughed so hard when the people in cars yelled at them because of Lena. 

***

"You still do that, kiss me in your car and piss people behind off", said Kara laughing.  
"Yes, answered Lena kissing Kara on the lips. "I like that a lot. Kissing you and pissing people off. But mostly kissing you…..and pissing people off. And kissing you, again, and again and again", she said kissing Kara. 

***  
Every man at the restaurant looked at them. Two young ladies, alone, in a restaurant, enjoying good time. They couldn’t stop staring into each other eyes. They ate playing with each other hand and took their fork with their free hand. Delphine learnt to Lena some French sentences and expression and laughed so hard everytime that she did a mistake with her pronunciation. 

"You’re beautiful", said Lena.  
"What ? You’re wrong. I am not", answered Delphine looking at her empty plate.  
"When you’re smiling, you’re beautiful. You should smile more."  
"Only when you’re here. You’re the only reason of this past few months."  
"What happened in France ?" asked Lena concerned taking Delphine’s hand. 

Delphine said nothing. 

"You can tell me."  
"I..hm..they… my Mom, she wants to see me with a guy. She said that I have to think about my future after the graduation. She wants me to become like her and work with her after. But I don’t want to date a guy, I don’t want to be a doctor in one of her hospitals, I don’t want to work with her, be in the scientifics medias, I don’t want to eat with our president, pretending everything....I don’t wanna get married in few months to a guy that I don’t know, I don’t wanna buy a shitty house in the suburbs, and have a fucking white fence. I don’t wanna be stuck in one place my all life."  
"What do you want ?"  
"I want to work in a lab’….I…I want to find cures for people, travel to help the one who need help… I wanna see the world, just be me, be free…I don’t want to date a guy, I don’t wanna get married..I…I want ..I…I want to date you." 

Lena took Delphine’s face in her hand and whispering. 

"You can become everything you want. You can do what you want. We can be anything you want.  
"When I was a child, I wanted to become an artist, go to Les Beaux Arts in Paris, stay in my city and just paint life, paint life and just show to the world how I was seeing life. But she took care of all the paper works…and I start to study in Paris I – Panthéon Sorbonne in the Medicine Department…be a doctor was also in my plan but studying Art was the first one".  
"Delp…."  
"I am not happy since the day I’ve realized that she wants me to become her….and Na’…Na’…it’s terrifying me from day one….It is terrifying me and I am so scared." 

She hold Delphine hands. 

"Do you want me to create a machine to shut your Mom’s mouth ? I mean, I can do that in the lab’. I could be like a crazy engineer with wild hair and a gold tooth who never takes off her boots." 

Delphine smiled and laughed which made Lena did the same. Delphine put a hand on one of Lean’s cheek and whispered : 

"What I’ve done to find someone like you ?"  
"No…what did I do to find someone like you ? I’ll be here for you, to help you to deal with that. You have someone now, it’s me and I won’t give up on you okay ?" 

 

Delphine nodded with a sad but hopeful smile. They ate their desert and Lena paid the bill. On their way to the car Lena took Delphine’s hand and she smiled like she never smiled before. 

"So, what do you wanna do now ?"  
"Can we just go back to the lodge an just chill…in confortable clothes with the last season of “The Tudor” I know you have it in you laptop ?"  
"Yes…yes, we can Del’", said Lena. 

 

They drove almost a hour to the lodge. Delphine felt asleep on the window of her side and Lena turned off the radio. She lighted a cigarette and she smiled with only the light of her car headlights to bright her way to their little safe space asking herself if it was finally her turn to be happy. 

Once at the lodge, Lena woke up Delphine quietly and while Lena opened the door Delphine throw a snowball on her head. 

"You…did…not…do…that….right ?" asked Lena with a funny smile. 

And a second snowball hit Lena on her chest. And that how they finished laying in the snow kissing every part of their faces without be able to take their hand off each other. 

When they finally entered in the house, they immediately take their coats off because of the snow. 

"I am gonna go make coffee, what do you want ?"  
"Coffee too…see you in one minute, I am going upstairs…pj’s time."  
"Take your time." 

Lena finally made coffee and brought the two cups in the bedroom, Delphine was brushing her teeth, ponytail on with big sweater of Paris I – Panthéon Sorbonne University.  
Lena took place next to her. 

"Give me some space, you always take all the space in the bathroom", said Lena starting to brush her hair. 

Delphine kissed Lena on the cheek and leave a large trace of toothpaste. 

"Stop it", said Lena amused, brushing her teeth now, "I put the cups on the nightstands". 

Delphine nodded and they finished to get ready for bed. Lena with a grey jogging and Delphine with just her oversize sweater. She was the first to leave the bathroom, Lena still took her make up off. Delphine was sending a text to her granny to reassure her of Delphine’s trip to the boarding school. And then Lena leaves the bathroom and was behind Delphine without making any noise and she kissed her nape wrapping her by her hips. Delphine smiled resting her hand on Lena’s. 

"You smell so good", whispering Lena. 

Delphine was now facing Lena, forehead against forehead balancing their body from the left to the right. 

"To the left, to the left, to the right to the right…"started Lena amused.  
"Na’…", laughing quietly Delphine, "don’t even start with Beyoncé." 

Lena smiled with a small laugh and they stayed like this for few seconds. Seriously romantics and gazing at each other eyes. And they kissed softly at first, but deeper few minutes after, Lena staring to put her hand under Delphine’s sweater to touch directly her skin. Delphine wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck so she can’t escape her. They were staring to be breathless and then Delphine rested her forehead against Lena’s. 

"Na’ "  
"Mh ?" said Lena kissing the corner of Delphine’s lips.  
"You know, I’ve never done this before ?"  
"Sleep with someone ? What about this Dimi’…"  
"No. I’ve never sleep with a girl before."  
"Del’, we can do this another ni…"  
"But I want to. I want to do it. Do it with you."  
"Okay. Okay…I’ll be careful…if I do something wrong just tell me to stop, okay ?"

Delphine nodded resting her lips on Lena’s mouth who deepened the kiss. 

 

And suddenly, every moments of this night appeared in Lena memory and in front of her eyes.  
The way she lying down Delphine on the bed, the way Delphine took off Lena’s ponytail, the way she kissed her neck the way she took off Delphine’s sweater and the way Lena smiled. The way she tickled Delphine’s hips under the sheets as if it were a cotton hut under which they were. The feel she had when Delphine put her nails into her back, the way Delphine’s body tightened on the bed, and the way her back twisted. The way they looked at each other without saying a word and knew what they meant. The way Delphine said her name in the darkness of the room, the way she gently and softly kissed her while she was took off Delphine underwear and the look she had in her eyes right after this first time. The way their hands intermingled above Delphine’s head. Staring into each other eyes like it was their first time. All the love and the potential future they could have and create were just between their eyes connected to their heart. 

Then Lena shaked her head. 

"It’s a very beautiful story Lee’."  
"Oh you know…we were young…and.."  
"I know you can’t explain all the details, I know what you thinking right now, and I don’t want to know this details, and it’s okay because it belongs to you. They belong to you only. This details, I am sure, as beautiful as they are are what you are made of. They’re a part of you, Delphine was a part of you and it’s okay. I love every parts of you. It’s totally fine. We all have a past, you should be proud to had bright a part of her life, because you’re the best human being, you’re the best person in the entire universe, and you know that I’ve seen some places of this universe and I love you more each day, I fell more in love with you everyday said Kara resting her forehead against Lena’s, and I am happy to learn that you had, at least, had a nice and soft bracket in your student life, finally said Kara in a more serious voice. I am happy to learn that your smile was motivated by someone good and that you had this with her. And it’s not because you had this with Delphine that I don’t want to know who she was and what things you did to escape your realities. What you did to make you and her happier. And what you said I wish you told me before so I would have help you with this grief. And now I am worried to learn, but I still want to know, what happened to you and Delphine. Because I’ve never saw you sad like you was tonight. And I love you no matter what. No matter what happened. Remember what I said “Always”."

Lena rested her forehead on Kara’s temple. Now the tears were almost fell on her cheeks. 

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you", she repeated wrapping her arms around Kara and sinking her head in Kara’s neck.  
"Oh Rao...I love you too...", she answered kissing Lena head.


End file.
